Dissociation Disorder
by himmelblu
Summary: Ace was happy, he finally had a place to call home, a family and everything he could wish for and more. Nothing seemed to be wrong at the moment. But what was these things that sometimes moved past his sight? For some reason, he didn't like it, it scared him. But a small thing now and then couldn't be anything bad. At least he thought so. (A Mental Health Fic)


_Hello everyone, here is the next part in my mental health series_

 _And just to inform everyone, this is not a Dissociative Identity Disorder of any kind, even though the name look the same. More about what this illness is will be at the end_

 _This is set in the canon world, meaning pirates era, but it's a different universe there_

 _Hope you enjoy_

 _Read and relax_

* * *

Ace gave a laugh as he ran around with Thatch, running away from the first commanders as he was trying to catch them for doing a prank.

Ace had been an official part of the crew for a few months now, and he really enjoyed it. It was weird, as Ace usually didn't like to be around too many, feeling anxious and uncomfortable, but he had managed and forced himself to be okay with it, he was doing better, although he still had some issues at parties or with drunk people. It was just so many too close, he wasn't used to that as people had usually deranged him and hated him after finding out who his father was, which the asshole of an admiral Sengoku had loudly exclaimed when he was 10, and he had been on the run since.

But now he had found a place to call home, a place where he felt at home. He hadn't done that since he was with Dadan.

He had been taken away from Dadan by Garp when it was let out who his father was, and Garp had tried his best to hide him, but he could only do so much, so he had run off on his own and fended for himself. It was hard, but he managed to survive, he could relax now and enjoy being a part of a family. He never believed someone would take him in like this, and especially not the rival of his father. He had even tried to kill the man for a month, never succeeding of course, just since he felt as if the man shouldn't take him so lightly and because he would try to prove himself worthy to his father and show he could be stronger than him. But the man had never hated him for it, but taken it light heartedly, opening his family for him.

Ace was sure he could never belong a place, have a place to call home. But now he did, and it was still a weird thought.

He was still a bit rough and liked his space, but he tried to make the best of it and that seemed to work. He just wasn't used to it yet, but he would be one day. Just the fact he had people to speak to was weird. He still had a lot of trust issues and he tried to work through them, and he could feel the others doing the same, even though some had a rougher way of doing it. Like Thatch that basically dragged him around, even if he didn't want too. But Marco or Pops had saved him from that a few times, which he appreciated. Thatch didn't seem to get the note he didn't always feel like being around people. But he was adapting to it, he liked to run around and have fun like this and play pranks with the chef, especially when they targeted the phoenix. Ace wasn't sure why, but he liked to ruffle his feathers as he called it. But Marco was a good sport about it, even though the punishment was a bit harsh at times, but it was fine.

As he was running and going to try a dodge, he completely stopped as he saw _something_.

Ace wasn't sure what it was, but it looked like a moving… something? It looked like a blur of a white square, just suddenly zapping past him. Ace had never liked shapes, especially moving ones. He didn't know why, but that was it. And the more out of place it was, the more it really bothered him. He was startled out of his thoughts as a hand grabbed around his arm, Ace hearing Marcos voice speaking and tried to concentrate on it. But he found himself looking over to the left, where the blur shape had moved. There was nothing there, only a seagull flying away. he was sure it was something there.

¨-ce! Ace!¨ Ace blinked, turning to look at Marco, who was looking at him in concern. ¨You okay, yoi?¨ Ace nodded, sending a half look to the left again, looking back at Marco when he saw nothing. ¨I'm fine, why?¨ Marco gave him a look, not seeming convinced. ¨You sure? You didn't respond for a minute.¨ Ace blinked. _A minute?_ He had thought he might have been transfixed for a second. But hey, he did sometimes blank out, although this felt… different. He gave a grin to Marco, ¨I'm fine. You mother hen.¨ Marcos eyes twitched for a second, ¨You're pushing your line now, yoi.¨ Ace knew he was already in trouble for the prank, so he might as well have some more fun. ¨Don't get your feathers in a twist now, Birdy.¨ Marcos eye twitched again as he gave a glare. ¨Kitchen duty for a week, yoi.¨ Ace gave a whine and pout, which Marco ignored as he pushed him on his way to the kitchen.

As Ace went inside the kitchen, Marco sent a concerned look to Pops, who had one himself. This had happened a few times now and it was starting to get concerning.

-x-

Ace ran through the city they were at, trying to see if he could get away from the wrath of the first commander. They had finally docked at an island after being at the sea for 2 months straight, and he took the chance to play a prank on the first commander before running away, which he needed. Don't get him wrong, he liked everyone in the family, but he had been surrounded by way too many for a while, even getting a few comments from the locals here, so he decided to get away from everyone like this for a moment. Marco was a bit behind as Ace had ran through some buildings and such, making a distance. It was all in good fun.

When Ace ran a bit more, he came to a stop in a small open square that had some stands with weapons, everything from clubs and maces too swords and guns. He couldn't help but get distracted and look at some of them, thinking of maybe buying something, looking at the clubs and maces as it reminded him of when he was young and used them to hunt with Sabo and Luffy. He missed that and had no idea how the two were doing.

As he was looking over some cool looking clubs, he heard someone speaking up behind him. ¨Portgas! Marco's looking for you and coming this way. He don't seem happy, so hurry and bail!¨ Ace gave a laugh as he turned around, recognizing the voice to be Zen, going to thank him for giving him the warning, he had been preoccupied and forgotten about the mad commander for a second. But as he turned around to thank the man, Ace felt his insides grow cold at what he saw.

It wasn't Zen, it was… Ace didn't know, but it was _something._ It looked be _shapes,_ nothing more than just shapes _moving towards him._

Ace swallowed as he took a few steps backwards, trying to get away from the… the _thing._ Ace didn't like it, it sc- _terrified_ him. It was like a nightmare coming _towards him_. He heard some almost familiar mumble, but he couldn't understand where it came from, only stare at the _thing_. When he took another step backwards, he felt himself come to a stop as he was trapped, not able to move more back and away. He moved a hand to what he was up against and felt something, and looked to see a club. With a shaky hand and adrenaline filled mind, Ace grabbed the club. When the thing took a step closer, Ace not liking anything about it,

He moved the club and smashed the thing to the ground. When it fell and he moved the club away, he noticed more shape like things growing, red shape like things.

With fear in his mind, he brought the club down again, and again, and again. Trying to make the thing go away, make the shapes go away. He didn't like shapes like this, that moved and grew and seemed _wrong,_ Ace wanted it to go away, to disappear forever. As he continued to bring the club down, the red shapes kept growing, sometimes even flying a bit before going to the ground, making his terrified mind sure this _thing_ was going to expand, and Ace didn't want that.

¨-CE! ACE! STOP!¨ Ace turned to the voice, seeing Marco running towards him with a look of utter shock and horror. That was good, Marco could help, Marco could help kill the thing, to _destroy_ it. It wasn't a normal thing as most likely the cause to the look he had, it looked _horrifying_ and Ace didn't know wh-. Ace felt his entire body grow cold as he had turned to look at the thing. It was no longer a thing, no longer a mass of horrifying shapes.

It was Zen, who was bleeding badly, seeming to have someone try to crush him.

Aces mind couldn't process this, and he felt he was really out of breath, scared, horrified and no idea what was going on. He had hit the shape with the club,

A club that had a mess of blood, not shapes. Aces mind almost shut down as he realized it.

He had been the one to hurt Zen.

 _No._ There had been something there, something non-human, something terrifying. But how did the thing and shapes suddenly turn into blood and Zen? Ace was scared, he had injured someone badly, someone from the family somehow. He didn't understand it. When he heard running feet and saw most of the commander coming running, Ace shook his head. _It was a dream, a nightmare._

The club fell to the ground as Ace did the one thing he could think of.

He ran.

-x-

Marco could only stare shocked as he yelled out for Ace to just _stop._ Why would he suddenly attack someone like this? He didn't believe Henry when he said Ace was trying to bash Zen's face in. But there he as, doing exactly that, looking utterly terrified for some reason. The moment he had seen it was true, he had yelled for the others, who thankfully weren't far away. When Ace turned to him, he seemed _relieved_ , which made Marco more confused about everything. _What was Ace doing?_

But when Ace looked back at the battered and bleeding Zen, he seemed horrified, as if just noticing it, the body starting to shake. Marco tried to run faster, to get to Ace before he did something more. Something was obviously _very wrong._ Marco tried to yell out for Ace to _go back,_ to drop the club. But he didn't respond. Marco _knew_ something had been up with the kid, he should have done something earlier. When Ace looked at the bloodied club, he started to shake more, the club falling to the ground as Ace seemed utterly terrified, horrified and other emotions he had _never_ seen.

Then Ace bailed. He ran away from them, heading into the woods.

Marco tried to yell after him, but it was no use, Ace didn't seem to even hear him. When Marco was close enough to Zen, he came to a halt as he dropped to his knees and checked him, utterly relieved to find he was alive, he was still breathing and his heart beating. He was unconscious, which was no surprise, he was really messed up. He heard some running feet and saw Rakuyo, Izou, Thatch and Curiel almost having caught up to him. ¨Izou! Thatch! Rakuyo! Go after Ace! Curiel! I need your help here!¨ He managed to yell out, the four nodding as the three headed after the running kid, Curiel coming up to him and crouching down. Curiel had a lot of medical training, he could assess the situation.

Marco hoped the others would be able to catch up to Ace, hoping no one would be injured, be it the three or Ace. _Something was wrong with Ace_. He wouldn't have done this without reason. He cherished the fact he had a family now, so for him to suddenly attack made no sense whatsoever. Curiel checked some things, taking the pulse and telling him to rip the shirt and tie it here and there, which he did to his best power. He heard more people coming and other commanders asking what happened, but Marco ignored them for now, trying to concentrate on helping Zen. He was in bad shape, bleeding and he could see bones broken.

When Curiel said they had done what they could, Marco looked to the others, ordering Jozu to help Curiel getting Zen to the infirmary now, which they immediately got to, getting a makeshift stretch from one of the villagers. He ordered Speed Jiru, Vista and Namur to go help the others find Ace and bring him back, but be careful. When they asked why they would go after Ace, Marco said to just do it now, no times for delays, he would explain later. They nodded and left, doing what he said.

When everyone was off and doing what he said, Marco took a deep breath as he headed to the boat to update Pops.

He wasn't looking forward to this. But he couldn't think of one single reason Ace would attack Zen. They were friends. Something was way wrong, and only Ace or Zen knew what.

-x-

Ace sat as he trembled under a tree he had found on top of a mountain, hiding behind it and hoping no one would find him. He had his head in his hands, still bloodied hands. _What had he done?_ He couldn't make sense of it. It hadn't been Zen, it had been _something,_ a _thing_ he wanted gone. A thing that terrified him, like a walking nightmare. He hadn't meant to hurt anyone, to do that. He hoped no one would find him, he could hurt them too, he didn't want that, he didn't want to hurt anyone. He was still panting, but now from fear and horror as nothing made sense, he was scared and alone, but he couldn't go for help he couldn't go to the others.

He had killed Zen. Ace saw he was _not_ moving, _and all that blood._ Ace felt his panic rise again as he remembered it, and pressed his head further into his hands, trying and hoping to _wake up_. This _had_ to be a dream, this couldn't be real. It didn't feel real, it felt like a dream, _a nightmare_. This couldn't be real, that hadn't happened. Ace couldn't calm himself down, not stop the shaking, panic or fear. What was wrong with him?

He had no idea how long he sat there, but he didn't move, not even when it started raining. He couldn't bring himself to move, he shouldn't move, he could hurt someone again. Something wasn't right, but he had no idea _what_.

When he felt something touch his shoulder, he moved away in shock and small horror, sure it was the thing again. But when he saw a pair of blue eyes looking at him carefully and calmly, a hand held out to clam him, Ace shook his head as he backed away from the first commander.

¨Calm down, yoi.¨ Marco said carefully, taking a careful step towards him. Ace shook his head, backing away, trying to speak. ¨I-I'm sorry. I-I didn't didn't mean too- too kill him. I-I promise! I-I-.¨ Ace felt himself choke on nothing, his panic rising. He could see Marco shaking his head slowly, taking a careful step closer to him. ¨Zen is not dead, only a bit beaten up, yoi. Calm down and let's head back home.¨ Ace shook his head. He couldn't go back. He knew what he saw, Zen wasn't moving, Marco was trying to be kind. Ace tried to back more away, hoping he could get an opening so he could run.

But just as he was about to stand up and try to run, a pair of arms was around him, holding him in place.

Ace trashed, trying to get loose, but not managing. Ace closed his eyes, scared to open them and see _what_ was holding him, and let out a yell of everything. He didn't want to live in this nightmare, live while those things existed.

Then suddenly everything went black. Ace almost thankful for it.

-x-

Marco looked at his father after having explained the situation, the captain looking shocked at him. ¨You sure it was Ace?¨ Marco nodded, moving a hand to his face and massaging it. ¨Yes, yoi. It looked like he was trying to _kill_ him. But after looking away from him and back, it was as if he had _no_ idea what happened and he panicked, running away. I ordered the others to follow and hopefully find him.¨ The captain nodded, taking the information in. Pops looked at him in a serious manner. ¨For now, we wait and see how Zen is and if the others can find Ace. If not, I think you should fly and see. This isn't like Ace, something is wrong.¨ Marco gave a nod. ¨I agree, yoi. This isn't like Ace. Something must have happened. I only hope he don't hurt anyone else or himself.¨ Pops nodded, agreeing on that.

It was tense for a while after that. Everyone knew something was up, but they refused to tell what until they knew more. Marco and Pops had updated the commanders that was on the boat, and all of them seemed shocked, not believing it. Haruta had asked if something had happened between Ace and Zen, or if Ace had for some reason betrayed them. Marco had no answer to either question. He hoped for none, hoping this had all been a horrible mistake. Pops had said they needed to wait to know, wait until Ace came back or Zen woke up, hoping for both.

It took an hour before Bay came with an update, saying Zen would live and be fine. He would need some casts and a lot of bandages for a while as he had _a lot_ of broken bones, Bay deciding to keep him in the infirmary for a week as he had some broken ribs and a bad concussion, but he would make a full recovery, which was a huge relief.

When Pops had asked if he could speak to him, Bay had said no, as he had fallen asleep, or unconscious again, and that he needed al the rest he could get. But Bay did say he had mentioned he had no idea what happened, mentioning that Marco was searching for Ace so he could run, when Ace looked utterly terrified, before he suddenly attacked. That was some key information they needed, as that might mean Ace might not have realized it was Zen, maybe a devil fruit user on the island had made him confused. But from what they knew, no one like that was here. When Bay asked if Ace was here, they said no and that they were searching for him still. Bay nodded and looked at them seriously. ¨I do not know what is wrong and going on, but Zen said his pupils where blown up.¨

Marco frowned, ¨What does that mean, yoi?¨ Bay looked at him, ¨Nothing good. Either Ace is being controlled, or maybe on drugs or something. But he is _not_ himself. Blown pupils are _never_ a good sign. _Be careful around him_.¨ Marco nodded at Bay, a bit glad Ace hadn't done this on purpose. But they still needed to find out why, and if Bay said to be careful, they needed to be _careful_. Marco sent a look at Pops, when Bay had left. ¨I'll go and help the others search, yoi.¨ He could fly and check from high, hoping he would find Ace and that he was fine and himself now. Pops gave a nod, telling him to be careful. Marco said he would be, and left, changing into his phoenix at once and taking off.

He found the others, or he found Thatch and Izou, them telling they had split up to search, but had found nothing. Marco said Zen was fine, and that if they found Ace, to be careful, saying what Bay had told. They had nodded and looked worried, before Marco took off again, speaking to those he saw and growing more and more concerned when none had seen Ace. It had been _hours._ Yes, the woods were big, but still. He was concerned for Aces wellbeing now, knowing something was off. After searching for another half hour, it started to rain, which was bad as it made searching harder. But they wouldn't give up yet.

After searching for another hour, Marco saw something that could be Ace, sitting on top a small mountain under a tree. Marco could see Ace visibly shaking from the sky even, his shape trembling as he had his head in his hands.

Marco got Rakuyos attention from the sky and the man headed up to the mountain as Marco flew down. If Ace attacked, Marco would be fine. Ace couldn't seriously injure him, his devil fruit making it near impossible unless one had seastone or a real strong haki. He knew Ace had some haki, but nowhere strong enough to take on him. But then again, Ace wasn't himself. Marco would be sure to be careful.

When Marco was on the ground, a few feet away from Ace, he tried calling out to Ace, but got no response at all. Marco carefully moved closer to Ace, trying to call out as he got closer, but still no reaction. He noticed Rakuyo coming into view in front of him, but made a motion for him to stay still for now, thinking it was better if only one approached at a time.

When Marco was close enough, he carefully moved a hand to Aces shoulder, saying his name. The reaction was instant as Ace basically lurched away in panic, looking at him in utterly panic and horror, backing away from him, even after Marco saw recognition in his eyes, shaking his head. Marco tried to calm Ace down, telling him to relax, that it was okay. Ace didn't seem to calm down, moving further away as Marco took a step closer, trying to speak, telling he was sorry for killing Zen. Marco tried to tell he wasn't dead, but Ace didn't seem to be able to listen, continuing to shake his head. He seemed to be panicking, not even able to speak, looking to be _terrified._

When Ace still backed away and panicking, Marco sent a look at Rakuyo and gave a small nod, silently telling him what to do. The seventh commander nodded, before carefully coming up to Ace from behind and taking his hands around him, holding him in place.

The reaction was instant as Ace fought hard against his hold, trashing as he tried to get lose, eyes closing. When Marco moved closer to help, seeing Rakuyo was struggling, Ace let out the most emotional and terrified yell he had heard.

Marco froze for a second, thinking they might do more harm than good right now, and was about to tell Rakuyo to let go, when Ace went limp.

Marco felt some panic rise, and saw Rakuyo feeling the same. With a hand moving to the kid's throat, he gave a relieved breath when he felt the pulse. It was racing, but it was there. He looked at Rakuyo, ¨Can you take him back, yoi? While I go notify the rest we found him.¨ Rakuyo nodded, saying he would, before he left, lifting Ace in his arms and rushing off back to the ship while Marco changed and flew to tell the others they had Ace. He found out they had heard the scream, and was really scared for Ace, telling it sounded so terrified and helpless. Marco said they had Ace, and things would hopefully go back to normal, or at least they could figure out what had happened and fix that so it never happened again.

When Marco had notified everyone, he flew back to the boat, glad when he found out Ace was safe in the infirmary, the trip going fine according to Rakuyo. The seventh commander said bay had used seastone chains on Ace, just in case for now as he had seemed way out of it. They understood why, although they didn't like it, but if Ace used his powers in his state now, it would be bad. Marco was thankful he had not used them before, as things would have been different.

All they needed to do now was to wait.

-x-

Whitebeard sat in his room, relaxing for the night as the last days had been eventful and full of questions and a lot to handle. Many was still unsure of what had happened with Ace, and the captain still had no answers. He had been notified by Whiskey that Ace had woken up yesterday, but none other than Bay had been with him as she tried to figure out what had happened, and the doctor still hadn't updated him on anything, making him believe it was something bad. Why else would it take over an entire day?

As he was thinking of maybe heading to bed early as it was barely 8, there was a knock on his door. When the captain gave a come in, he was glad and anxious to see it was Bay. He hoped she had an update and hoped it wasn't anything too bad. ¨Bay, how is Ace?¨ Bay gave a sigh, ¨Okay for now, sedated actually.¨ The captain nodded, understanding it was something serious. ¨Would you like to have the rest here?¨ Bay nodded, ¨That's why I came. I wondered if you had time for the update now, I know some of the commanders are in the meeting room already.¨ The captain nodded, ¨I have the time.¨ Even if he didn't, he would have made time. They headed to the meeting room, where most of the commanders were, just as Bay had said, only Blamenco, Speed Jiru, Atmos and Blenheim missing. But it was fine, they would be updated later.

When the captain was seated, Bay gave a sigh. ¨I've been speaking to Portgas for the last day, to figure out what happened, why he attacked Zen.¨ Everyone nodded, hoping she knew something. ¨Have you found anything out, yoi?¨ Asked Marco, looking at Bay. Bay gave a nod,

¨I do not know what it was, as Ace refuses to tell out of fear, but basically, he lost contact with reality for a small bit, completely dissociated everything and a nightmare came to life.¨

The captain gave a frown, seeing many of the others doing the same. ¨Lost contact with reality?¨ Asked the captain, not sure what that meant. Bay nodded. ¨Not completely thankfully, as that would have been worse, but his mind dissociated Zen and made him appear as a monster or something Ace was terrified off, the reason he attacked him and was so out of it.¨ The captain could see Thatch shaking his head, looking confused. ¨Just like that? No warnings or anything?¨ Bay gave a sigh. ¨No, this was not without warning.¨ The captain frowned. _Not without warning?_ It was Marco who spoke up next, ¨The times he didn't respond?¨ Bay nodded, and the captain remembered Ace sometimes just staring out into nothing for a minute or two. Bay gave a sigh, ¨Portgas have been having small dissociations with reality for over a month, but it reached a peak two days ago.¨ It was Thatch that asked the question everyone was thinking. ¨Why that day?¨

Bay gave a sigh and a nod to herself as she started to speak, telling how Ace had said he hadn't had an easy childhood because of who his father was, therefor living in constant fear and distrust, going through a lot at a way too young age. But then he got here, and things calmed down, Ace managing to breath for the first time in ever and relax. Ace telling he wasn't used to having people around, so that did become too much at times. ¨Portgas said he had met some less than nice villagers, as well as he was overwhelmed by everyone. His mind just said enough. This have most likely always been there, but never been triggered enough before now.¨ Everyone nodded, Thatch getting a weird look. ¨…So it was our fault? We pushed Ace into being out with us and he went insane?¨

Bay gave a sigh, shaking her head. ¨Portgas is _not_ insane. He didn't lose touch with reality completely, just dissociated it with for a moment. He is shaken up now and terrified by everything. I've spoken to some who know this, and he told me how to help and treat Portgas. He's sending over some pills to try.¨ The captain nodded, that was good. He looked at Bay. ¨Is there anything we can do?¨ Bay nodded, ¨Let him take his own pace. We have pushed him now, and that did not go well. He is also shaken up by what happened and scared, so it will take time for him to go back to normal. Let that take the time it needs to take. He also should talk about it, but he won't tell me. Don't force him to tell, but if he does, listen, help him. I will try out some methods I was told and see how that goes.¨

Everyone nodded, they could do that. ¨What kind of methods, yoi?¨ Asked Marco, looking at Bay. Bay gave a nod, ¨Since Portgas isn't the most trusting and open person, it is a method we hope will work. It is basically a book he can write in, writing what happens and how he interpreters things, and help him put words and names onto his feeling, and I'll help him go through it if he have some issues.¨ Everyone nodded, that sounded like a good plan. Bay mentioned Ace would stay in the infirmary for a few days, not only because she wanted too, but Ace requested it as he was terrified and felt guilty for what he did. And it was okay, they were just glad Ace would most likely be okay, and they would be calmer around him and let him be a bit.

The captain had noticed Thatch sometimes dragging him out of his room against his will, and the chef was clearly feeling guilty about that now, and would be more careful with Ace and groups of people, letting him be if he wanted that. Bay explained some more, before she left back to her infirmary, also mentioning she had updated Zen on everything, and he was thankfully understanding. He did feel hurt and a bit scared by Ace, but he would try to forgive him.

The captain hoped everything would turn out good, that everything would come back to normal.

-x-

Ace had stayed inside the infirmary for an entire week, and stayed mostly in his room for a week after that, and the captain was glad to see people letting him be. Thatch, Haruta, Izou, Marco and some others did try to hear if he wanted to come out, but when he said no, they let him be. He had heard from Bay and Zen, that Ace had used an entire day to just apologize over and over, feeling really guilty for what he did. Zen had said it was fine, but still asked Ace to not be too much around him in the start, since he had really shaken him up too. Ace had accepted it and was more surprised he didn't say or want more from him, telling he understood it some, but still was shaken up and a bit afraid off Ace right now, which Ace completely understood.

When Ace did start to be more out, the captain noticed Ace often writing or drawing in the book he had, and it only increased day to day, which he thought might be good. There were still times when he would stare out into nothing for a minute, having a half scared look, before he either left, or write in his book, the captain thinking it was his mind playing tricks on Ace again, but thankfully nowhere as big as the time with Zen, which was good. It was also happening less and less, Bay also giving a mention it was getting better, the dissociations happening less and less and at a smaller scale. Ace would make a full recovery, which everyone was thankful for. They had also noticed the Ace they knew was coming back more and more, starting to play pranks and have fun as he ran around. Not as much as before and he was more careful, but he was getting there.

After a month had passed, Ace was enjoying an evening with the captain in his room, wanting to relax but not be in his room alone, and Whitebeard didn't see any harm, wanting to be around Ace if he let him. it had been a while since he and Ace had had a time to just talk and relax. He usually tried to have this with everyone, which was hard at times since they were such a large crew, but it had been going fine thankfully, everyone understanding they were a big crew. As they were sitting and talking about random things, Ace moved his legs up on the chair he sat on and placed his arms around them, resting his head on them. Whitebeard, having a feeling Ace was going to say something, didn't start a new topic. After some seconds, Ace carefully spoke up.

¨That day, with Zen, I don't know what happened exactly.¨ Ace stopped, seeming to think and the captain let him, not wanting to rush it. Even if Ace stopped now, it would be fine. He was still glad when he continued. ¨I was running away from Marco, both since I wanted to do something and to get away from everyone. And I got distracted with the weapon stands and forgot about it, the clubs reminding me of my… brothers.¨ Ace had told him about his brothers and how Gar had taken him away to protect him and he had no idea how they were doing now. The captain now thought this might have been one of the things that triggered what happened to happen.

Ace pressed his face into his legs some. ¨I heard Zen say Marco was coming closer, and I was about to turn around and say thanks before I ran off again. But… it wasn't Zen there, it was… I don't know, something. Like shapes and stud moving, not making any sense, and that terrified me for some reason.¨ He heard Ace take a shuddering breath, this most likely taking a lot off Ace to say. The captain didn't say or did anything, waiting and hoping for Ace to continue.

He saw Ace lightly shaking his head. ¨I tried to back away, but couldn't as a stand was behind me and the… _thing,_ came closer and closer, making me panic. When I felt the club, I only had a thought in mind, and that was to destroy whatever the thing was, it was terrifying.¨ He saw Ace tightening his hands around his legs, ¨But when I hit it, the thing, more shape like things came from it, red and growing and moving and _terrifying_ for some reason.¨ He heard Ace taking a shuddering breath. ¨I should have realized it, but I didn't, and I'm sorry for that.¨ It was ended with a small sob. The captain knew Ace still felt guilty. He carefully moved his hand to Ace, using a finger to stroke his back comfortingly.

Ace took a breath and spoke again. ¨When Marco was suddenly there, yelling at me, I was so relieved, thinking he could help to destroy it. But when I looked back, it wasn't a thing anymore, it was….It was…¨ Ace gave a small sob as he pushed his head into his legs again, his body trembling slightly. The captain moved the finger on Aces back comfortingly. ¨It's okay, son.¨ He tried, understanding Ace couldn't say it had been Zen he had been trying to kill.

Ace gave a nod, and took a breath, before slowly continuing. ¨When I figured out what I did, or understanding _I_ did something, and saw Marco looking so shocked and horrified, I ran. I just ran, hoping it was a dream, that it wasn't real. It didn't feel real. I was scared that it would come back, that I would hurt someone else, so I ran.¨

The captain nodded, trying to comfort Ace. From what he had gathered from Bay, he had seen something Ace was completely terrified off, and to Ace, that seemed to be shapes of some kind, but not normal ones. He had heard about that, people having nightmares about shapes moving. When he heard Ace apologizing, apologizing for doing it, running away and everything, the captain made a small hushing noise. ¨It's fine now. It went fine, Zen is okay. What happened, happened, nothing to do about it now.¨ Ace gave a nod, taking his comfort. The captain was glad Ace told him this, trusted him with what happened. It must have been terrifying, not only to have a walking nightmare appear like that, but for it to suddenly become reality, even worse when it was shown to be Zen he had injured. Ace must have panicked and fled, scared of everything.

But Ace was getting better, and that was all that mattered now.

* * *

 _That's the chapter, hope you enjoyed_

 _And I know many wanted me to make a story about Anxiety or Dissociative Identity Disorder, and I will do this, it will just take time, especially the latter as it will be long_

 _Now to this fic. Dissociation Disorder is in close proximity to Dissociative Disorder, specifically Depersonalization Disorder that goes under it, but Dissociation Disorder is not as serious or chronic. It is something one is born with and needs a trigger, that often being trauma, and Ace have had a lot of that in this as I mentioned. And the fact things was calm now, and suddenly meeting people being mean, being whelmed and being reminded by his brothers was the limit and his brain Dissociated with reality for a bit which means he saw a living nightmare as his brain was so overwhelmed with everything and confused reality with non-reality, creating the walking nightmare_

 _And why was it shapes? Easy, I have a small fear of shapes. Not normal shapes one draw, but shapes that make no sense and are moving, as I often have this as a fever dream and I hate every living second of it and always want to 'destroy' them. That being said, Dissociation Disorder is something one knowns little about, about why it specifically happens and how to treat it. Medication have proven to help some, but the diary I mentioned also helps, as they map out their thoughts, but one needs to get used to using it_

 _I hope you enjoyed, and if you have the time, I greatly appreciate feedback_

 _And if you want to, this is a mental health series, so feel free to come with requests. Even if you have before, don't be afraid to send more. You can leave a review or send a Pm_

 _And on a note. I only takes mental health issues like this, Anxiety, PTSD, Angst, Dissociative Disorder, and so on. I have had a few wanting a Dom/Su fic where I focus on the mind, and this is a no no as I want to keep it away from sex and M rating to more open it for everyone. For those who wanted that, I am sorry, but this is a decision I have made_

 _If you liked this story and mental health approach, please go check out Depression and Psychosis, as they also focus on mental health_


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